There is really nothing I can say. Ben Thompson said that I’m having a baby and that he’s the father. That is wrong on so many counts that I don’t even know where to begin.

I guess I’ll start by talking about the cruise. Ben and Jay and I all like a good time and on a cruise ship you can hang out in the lounge pretty much 24/7. So one night we were up late, talking and drinking. We got pretty messed up–or at least I did. And I went back to Jay’s cabin with him. It happened on a cruise ship. There were witnesses. So there’s no point in saying that it happened a different way.

One of the things we talked about was why I hadn’t brought Matty along on the cruise. I told them all about it. How Matty wanted children and how I wanted to pitch and how the two were not compatible. And how neither of us was willing to bend for the other. And how I missed him but it was probably for the best.

And now Ben Thompson is saying it happened differently and that I’m carrying his child. I wouldn’t do it for Matty–you can be damned sure I won’t do it for Ben Thompson. He took my private heartache and turned it into a media event where he was the star. Every time someone asks me about the baby, it’s like being stabbed in the heart. And it’s all because of Ben Thompson and his ego.

I believe that there is justice in the world. I believe that what you do comes back to you. And I’d like to help some of Ben Thompson’s deeds come back to him. If they invite us on that cruise again, Ben Thompson will find himself on intimate terms with the marine life in the Bahamas. And it’s a good thing pitchers don’t bat or he’d find himself on his ass every trip to the plate. And my teammates would back me.

I guess I do know what I can say. Someday, Ben Thompson. Someday….

It’s been said that there’s no crying in baseball. That may be true, but there’s certainly other kinds of carrying on. Yelling things at people. Kicking things. Throwing things. I said once before that this sort of behavior doesn’t impress Skip. It still doesn’t. But right now we’re a pretty unimpressive team.

Every year that I’ve been playing here–every year that I’ve been playing pro ball–we’ve gone to the playoffs. We did again this year. But then we couldn’t get it done. We choked. And Ben Thompson and the rest of his Bangor gang (er, Halifax) are bound for the championship series.

Patriot Cup or Bust! We busted. We never even had a chance to face Alex Williams and Darth O’Rourke. We couldn’t play good enough ball to get past the Thunder.

So that’s how the season ends for me. With a playoff loss. And I’m alone. I don’t think I could be more miserable right now. Shaner says that sometimes you lose. He pointed out the fact that the bullpen gave up runs, too. And that we lost three games, not one. So it’s not all on me.

I don’t feel any better though. There’s a thing called the butterfly effect. How the air currents stirred by a butterfly’s wings can become a storm under the right conditions. Maybe it’s like that. Some little thing that doesn’t look all that significant turned out to be what made it all happen that way. It could be a strike call or a safe call. Whatever. That’s why they say it’s a game of inches. Well, inches add up to miles and we lost by a mile.

And I’m alone. I cannot adequately describe how I feel. There’s a big Matty-sized hole in my life. We shouldn’t be together, but that doesn’t make me miss him any less. No more calls. No more text messages. No more IMs. No more hugs. No more blondies. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to try again.

I did it again. I lost one and I won one. So that’s 4-4 on my last eight. I’m projecting to 16-6. That’s the same as last week and it’s still not what I want. I want 17. To get that, I’ll need to win three of my last four starts. It’s possible. I just have to play them one game at a time and see what happens.

Matty and I had a fight. It was about our future. He and I have different views and I basically told him that this wasn’t going to work out. It’s not anybody’s fault, really. We just hadn’t really talked about it before. And I’m not really ready to make plans for what I’ll do after baseball. I want to see how much I can accomplish. And I thought that Matty understood. Nolan Ryan pitched for over 20 years. If I pitch anywehere near that long, I’ll be too old to have children. And at this point, I can’t imagine giving up pitching to start a family.

I told him to go find a girl who didn’t play baseball. There are a lot of them out there. And surely one of them would be willing to settle down with him. Or if he just wants a baby, he can get with that floozy who’s suing Billy Madison. I think that’s when he lost it.

I don’t want people to get the wrong idea. Matty is a wonderful person and I love him. But we have no future together. After we were both calm, we talked about it and agreed to go our separate ways.

But some things don’t change. Next time i see him in the batter’s box, I’ll K his ass.

It’s the 2nd time that the Adams Conference Pitcher of the Month award goes to Hartford’s #4 starter Shannon Young. Her ERA of just 1.27 helped her to a 3-0 record in April. She worked 42.2 innings, striking out 43 hitters while walking 7.She previously won the award in June of 2009.

That’s from the official NEBL press release. I knew I was doing well, but it hadn’t occurred to me that I was doing that well. My ERA still leads the conference, though at 1.81 it’s a little higher than it was. My WHIP is still on top, too, at 0.79. I’m tied for sixth in strikeouts–with Casey for one. We each have 53 Ks, but Chris Ball leads our team with 58. And my four wins lead the conference. But I share that lead with eight other guys.

My last two starts–first, I faced Matty. And I K’ed his ass. He also got a hit off me. So I guess we’re even. So for all the people who thought I was gonna throw him lollipops, y’all can go to hell.

Speaking of going to hell. I had given up 1 unearned run in eight innings and it was a save situation. Ike came in and blew it. He did get one out but he gave up 4 runs and had two more guys on when Bear took over. Bear kept them from scoring any more and the boys scored for him so he got the win. And any win is good. So I’m not gonna say anything. But Ike showed he was human.

I mean, anyone can give up four runs. I did it against Boston. I won though because Juan-Carlos Almandeto gave up six runs. Only five of his were earned. But my boys tagged him for six and that’s what counts at the end of the game. I struck out ten. And walked two. When you K a lot of guys and walk them it adds to your pitch count. So I only went into the eighth. I gave up a single and an RBI double and that was it for me.

Matty was in town with the Angels for that series. It was nice to be together again after being apart for so long. We spent a lot of time together. He cooked dinner for me a couple of times. That is so nice. Maybe I can get him to post some recipes to his blog. He’s a very good cook. And I feel special when he cooks for me.

Those three words sum it up. I beat Neal. I’ve pitched four games so far this year and I’ve won three of them and got a ND in the fourth. But so far, the game that I’m going to remember is the one on the 21st where I gave up two earnies and he gave up three. Yeah, yeah, he gave up two unearned runs, too, but even if those weren’t there, I’d've won. And I was PoG. So I beat Neal and won PoG. I’m sure it gets better than this, but right now, I can’t think of how.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Why couldn’t I beat Neal when we were together? Well, I don’t know the answer to that. One thought is maybe I was letting him win subconsciously. I took a couple of psych classes at Rice and from what I remember, that would be possible.

Also, there are going to be guys who say I let him win. I most certainly did not. We used to have a running bet, loser buys dinner. At someplace nice. On my rookie salary I sure didn’t want to be eating at fancy places on my dime very often.

Anyway

IP	H	R	ER	BB	K
8.1	5	2	2	3	8

I’ve pitched better but that’s pretty damned good.

Casey posted this in our clubhouse:

To all of my Hartford teammates,

Recently there has been a lot of trash talk going on around this clubhouse. And it’s not the kind where we tell the world that the ‘Hawks are the best. Or that other teams suck. Not the kind that brings the team together to fight a common foe.

No, this is the other kind of trash talk. The kind where ballplayers say things about their teammates. This is the kind of talk that tears a ballclub apart.

And I thought that everyone here wanted to win us a Patriot Cup this year. I was under the strong impression that that was our goal.

How are we going to pull together to defeat Elmira if we’re busy trying to tear each other down? The answer is, we can’t.

I’m not asking you to like everybody on this team. I just want you to treat everyone with respect. On and off the field. If we can do that, we can win. It’s that simple.

If you want to talk trash, fine. But not about the guys in your dugout. Talk about the guys in the other dugout. Talk about how we’ll bring them down.

Because if we work together, as a team, we WILL prevail. We WILL win that Cup. And we will become a part of history as the team that took Elmira down.

Patriot Cup or Bust!

People, and you know who they are, are saying that I’ll go easy on Matty when he steps into the batter’s box. Look, that’s just plain stupid. I pitch better than he hits and I’ll show God and everybody every chance I get. I already warned him that I’d set him on his ass if he even asked me to throw him a lollipop.

A wise pitcher named Tom Seaver once said, “If you don’t think baseball is a big deal, don’t do it. But if you do, do it right.” And that’s why I go out there and do my best each and every time. And that is why you won’t see Matty taking me deep anytime soon. He’s fresh out of AAA. He isn’t even good enough to be a starter.

I truly believe in doing it right. That’s why I won’t do steroids. It’s no secret Casey Lane tried to talk me into juicing. But i wouldn’t do it then and I won’t do it now. There are all kinds of health reasons not to juice, but even if there weren’t, it’s cheating. And I am not a cheater.

Every time I take the mound, I give it my best. Sometimes my best isn’t good enough. That’s baseball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose and sometimes it rains. But if I lose it’s not because I didn’t try. And if Matty gets a hit off me, well good for him. Because he will have earned it.

Well, it turns out that hole in the outfield was David Ramirez-shaped. Everyone thought he was going to Allentown to play for Annie and that lunatic but It turns out Ramirez didn’t know about the lunatic and he refuses to play for him. Skip was able to sign him and now our outfield is complete.

So Skip said, maybe Matty could learn SS. Okay, whatever it takes to be in the bigs. Turns out that was bogus too. Skip ran out of money signing big-name guys so he had none left for small-name guys like Miatty.

So Matty picked up and moved on. Instead of Ramirez playing in Allentown, it’ll be Matty. Matty will probably start as a backup though. I’m concerned about him. He’s just the sort of young guy that Annie would be into. “You want more playing time? I can give you more playing time if you’ll do a little something for me.” I think that’s how Aaron Jacobs stayed in the rotation for so much of 2008. He was 5-11. Annie is a predator. I would rather Matty sign with anyone else.

Let me tell you about David Ramirez. His bat has some pop in it, but his main asset is that he’s fast and sure on the basepaths. He strikes out about three times as often as he walks. Defensively, well his range is only average, but he converts the balls he gets to into outs. He was on a bunch of leaderboards in 2009. With him and Mike and Grady we should definitely be set. With a good team around him, DR’s numbers should be solid and he should be back on the leaderboards in 2011.

Oh, and while I’m talking about him, David Ramirez is hot. His dark skin and beautiful dark eyes are definitely worth taking a second look. He’s well-built, like any ballplayer. Good muscles. And he moves with grace, like many speedy guys. Very fluid. So ladies, check him out. He needs a nickname, though. I’m thinking of calling him “the doctor” because his initials are DR. And because he can give you a shot in the arm.

And about Matty. Sometimes things happen for the best. I’ve never been in a position where I was dating a teammate. Maybe it’s a good thing that I’m not now. Although I want to spend every moment with Matty, it’s cutting into my workouts. And that can’t be good. When I was seeing Neal we’d sometimes be apart for a month and it was all okay. This is different. I’ll manage though.

Matty is a free agent. This means he can sign with any team. And he’s talking about signing with Hartford. So I ask Skip what are the chances and he says pretty good. And where will he be playing this year? AAA? Well, with the trade of Bankz, there’s a Matty-sized hole in the outfield.

It’s Christmas Eve and we’re all at my parents place. That’s me, my big brother Alex, his wife Susan, my niece Carla and my Aunt Katy. Aunt Katy is my mom’s sister and she never married so my parents invite her over so she won’t be alone.

I threw some off my mound today. I have the best Dad in the world. He built that mound when I was just 11 years old. I’m 28 now. And he’s kept it up all these years.

And you should see our yard. All the trees have lights in them. And Dad also put lights around the edge of the roof and all the windows. And luminaria along the sidewalk. He put orange bulbs in those so they almost look like real candles.