You’ve all heard the second-hand news. How I’m leaving Hartford to pursue my dreams. now you’re hearing it first-hand. I have a player option and I’m declining it. It’s not that I’m never going back again. I won’t rule out a return to the ‘Hawks. But I can’t pitch like this forever and I have to keep going in the direction that is best for me. Don’t do the easy thing. Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow. Don’t just pick up my option automatically. Do look at what’s out there. Do explore my options. Do think about my future.

I talked to Skip about it. He told me he was disappointed but that he understood. “I know you have to go your own way,” he said, but I know he hopes my own way leads me back to the ‘Hawks next year. And who knows but it might. I talked to Shaner, too. But’s he’s all “I don’t want to hear about why you’re leaving.” He said my reasons aren’t important to him unless they mean he’s not doing his job. And he reminded me that he’d been a player once. He said it’s better to leave when you’re ahead than to wait for the organization to kick you out.

Where will I go? Hi Jay! I’m not coming to Allentown. I love you and you make loving fun, but I’m not going to play on a team with with you. I’m not going to explain it to the lunatic–a simple “no” should be all he needs. And you already know why.

However, the cruise showed me that I can get along with Neal. And he’s a great pitcher, too. And Elmira is in the other conference. I don’t like being in the same conference as Alex Williams. That poll was like a songbird awakening me to the fact that I could easily win the CM if Alex Williams were still with Elmira. Though going there would be like following in his shadow and I don’t think I like it.

And like I said, I’m not ruling out a return to Hartford. Skip has that personal touch that I don’t think a lot of GMs have. Though I know the expansion guys both seem like personable fellows. And that reminds me, I expect Halifax will make an offer but, unless it involves muzzling Ben Thompson, I’m not going to listen very hard to what Micheal Thompson has to say.

OTOH, the flip side of following Alex Williams around is to just go to where he is. And learn from him. He can strike guys out on two pitches. It’s like there’s a little invisible chain between Alex Williams and I. He seems to figure prominently in every scenario. And maybe the chain will bring me to Halifax. I dunno if I want to get closer to him or further away.

It’s not just about the money though. I’m not some gold dust woman. I’m not the feminine version of Easy Pickens. Sure, I’m looking out for my future but I know how a big contract can cripple a team. And who wants to pitch for a crippled team. Hell, Ike got hurt and the team couldn’t pay to heal him up. That’s not right.

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do. I called home and talked to my dad. “Oh Daddy, listen to me and give me some advice.” He told me what he always tells me. Keep my head down and work hard. And he said that I could spend the winter in Texas where I could throw off my mound regularly. “No snow in Houston,” he said. And that way, come spring, I’d be in the best shape I could be.

Some people are a bit tetchy about their contracts. So here’s an open letter to Easy Pickens.

Well, lets start this off by my happily accepting that I’m mediocre. I’m striving to be better, but lets not kid ourselves. I’m a woman in a man’s world. I will never be the best. But I will be good enough. And that’s what counts at the end of the game. I get wins. I have a winning record. That’s something many pitchers never achieve.

Oh, and as for whether I’m in a position to comment because I’m being overpaid. Make up your mind, sweetie. Either I’m overpaid or my GM is a cheap bastard who doesn’t pay people what they’re worth. Both of those statements cannot be true at the same time.

You object to being called greedy. Well, aren’t you special? Would you prefer avaricious? Seriously, you talk about how good you are and the numbers just aren’t there. The only place where you’re in the top five career leaders is average. That’s one number. You’re being vastly overpaid for one number.

And it’s very sweet of you to be concerned about my love life. I’m not on your team and I’m not in your bed so there really isn’t anything for you to comment on.

I love to play baseball. I love pitching. There’s nothing greater in the world than to throw the ball by a hitter for a called third strike. And, the best part is, I get paid to do it. And to you, my readers, I can only say that I hope you enjoy doing whatever it is you do for a living as much as I enjoy my job.

I am getting paid $6 million this year. That’s a lot of money. That’s three times what I got last year. And I’ll get even more next year. If you ask me, it’s a bit much but I just said a number and Skip said, “okay” and that’s how it went.

But that is nothing like what Doug Pickens makes. He’s not even the best hitter in the league but his deal says he’ll make $5 million more than then next-highest paid hitter. That’s just greedy. There’s no other word for it. Look at Hottie. He won the Lou Gehrig three times. And he’s making, what, $7.5 million? And Pickens is set to get almost three times that.

I know I’m not the only one who thinks there’s something wrong with that. I’ve seen people comment on NEBL.com. But I think it’s time some of us ballplayers stood up and said something, too. Guys aren’t because they’re afraid their GM will throw it back in their face come contract time. Well, I’m not afraid. Enough (money) is enough. There’s no need for greed. Baseball is a team game and when you hurt the team you end up hurting yourself. And taking that kind of money out of a team’s budget has to hurt.

If you’re curious, you can go look at my contract. I have nothing to hide.