I’m off to Montreal. What with the indefinite delay in spring training, I have a chance to do a little something. And I love spending time with Pierre. We e-mailed back and forth and I decided to go up and see him. And even though Montreal is cold, it’s a nice place to be.

This year, we’ll be around for the Montreal High Lights festival. It’s the last week of February and in normal years, pitchers and catchers report to spring training in the middle of February so we missed it last year. I’m really looking forward to it.

The only thing I don’t like about Montreal is that I don’t speak French. Or even understand it. I’d like to remedy that. If I could get as good at French as i am at Spanish (I can understand it if it’s spoken slowly and I can speak a little with a bad accent) then I wouldn’t feel so out of place. Of course Pierre speaks French. And I spend a great deal of time with him. Maybe he can teach me.

Anyway, this is going to be so exciting. There will be concerts and exhibits and various dining experiences. The one I’m most excited about is the Old Montreal Progressive Meal, where you go to different restaurants for each course of the meal. That seems like a lot of work, but you get to go to a lot of places on one night. Kinda like the idea of going somewhere for dinner and then somewhere else for dessert. Only on a macro scale. And the lights! I don’t know what to expect but it sounds exciting.

We’re also doing things Pierre is interested in. We’re going to see Les Cowboys Fringants. They are one of Pierre’s favorites and they provide the music for his MySpace.

So I’m cursed. Well, maybe not. Maybe I’m half-cursed. It turns out that Doc saved my AW game ball and put in some other ball. So they may have paid for a curse but they didn’t get it. And Thursday after I beat Hartford, Doc and I went out to Max’s and had steak and he gave me my ball back. Along with some good chocolate and flowers (purple hyacinths and white zinnias). That was totally sweet of him. We talked for a long time, about the curse and about the team. He invited me back to his place for a few drinks. Then he sent me back to my hotel in a cab. Neither of us was very tipsy but it’s better to make sure.

Then, we beat Hartford again. Weiss (who is awesome, make no mistake) beat Ali Hussain, Hartford’s prodigal son. And I went to Mill on the River with Hottie. He brought me something, too. Apparently purple hyacinths mean “I’m Sorry” because that’s two nights in a row. I have made my peace with Hottie. We went to his place for a couple ‘ritas and I ended up staying later than I expected. He really is sorry. He explained how it happened. It’s just that he and Doc are macho guys and they each had to top each other in what they’d do. So it starts out small with “My aunt’s a Voodoo lady” and escalates slowly into “Let’s hire her” and then into “Lets steal one of Shannon’s balls”. And he says he’s responsible for his part but that he can’t apologize for Doc’s part. Never fear, Doc apologized. He said he’s glad I got my ball back.

So, it wasn’t my ball that the voodoo lady had, so there was no curse. Or maybe there was, but it wasn’t the problem. My ERA is under 4. That’s respectable for a starting pitcher. Dirtball says he doesn’t believe in curses, maybe I should listen to him.

Dirtball. When we came here together, he was there for me. But I wore him out. He was treating me like his pet project and it wasn’t working so he threw up his hands and walked away. He’s still the best catcher on the field but off the field he’s got more important things to deal with than my problems. I can respect that, even if I’m not happy about it.

So I was in line for a win against Elmira but I didn’t get it. I did get the next one though. Against NY. 3 hits, 0 ER and 11 K. I’m coming back. And I owe it to Dirtball.

Have you ever seen the movie Bull Durham? One of the plot points is Annie giving Nuke a garter belt to wear while he’s pitching. Well, Dirtball’s seen this movie, too. And he had an idea.

Now let me talk about catchers for a minute. The pitcher’s job is to throw the ball so the hitter doesn’t hit it. And the catcher’s job is to help the pitcher. The pitcher has to be brains and memory and a little bluff to get those hitters out. The catcher needs to be brains and memory, too. The pitcher needs to be aware of and keep track of a lot of things. And it’s the catcher’s job to watch everything and make sure the pitcher is alerted to things he can’t observe directly and reminded of things he can. Like runners and what they’re doing. Like which way the flags are blowing in center field. So the catcher is also the eyes and ears of the pitcher.

And this time, Dirtball saw something I didn’t. He said I was thinking too much about my pitching and I needed to think less and pitch more. He talked about Annie and Nuke in the movie and how the garter belt was effective in helping Nuke pitch better (once he actually wore it). And he didn’t have a garter belt but he did have a jock strap I could wear under my uniform to help with that.

Now, coming from anyone else, I would laugh that away. But I could tell he’d really thought about it and believed in it. And he was right, I’d tried just about everything else. So twice now I’ve worn it on the mound. And twice now I’ve turned in good performances. The question is, how long do I need to wear it for the magic to be permanent? Because I feel a bit silly. But you can’t argue with the results

People say that numbers don’t lie. There’s a belief that if you quantify something it somehow has more importance than something that can’t be quantified. In actuality though, numbers can be deceiving, even when they are accurate depictions of what’s going on in the real world.

Take this for example. 3.1 innings with one walk and 7 strikeouts. Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it. Until you learn that that’s a starter, not a reliever.. Then you wonder about injury and the starter taken out. Add to this 6 hits. Still not too bad. That’s a couple per inning and with only one walk it’s not too bad. But if you add in the last part, it looks pretty bad. 5 runs, all earned. And the final numbers, the ones that count the most, L 7-9. Those are the worst numbers in the lot. So we progress from looking respectable to a team loss. Not very encouraging.

Dirtball and I watched the All-Star game at my house. I made enchiladas. What my mama calls “dirt stupid” enchiladas. And it was kinda fun except the wrong team won. The AC team does pretty well if I don’t start for them.

Nolan had a good idea. He said that I’m not acting like I’m mentally sharp. He suggested I talk to Doc Wiggen about vitamin B. So now I’ll be taking a prescription supplement. Among other things, it’s high in folic acid, which is good for women. He offers no guarantees, though. Someone suggested I juice but I’m not going to. Steroids don’t help your control or give you better stuff. They may make you throw harder but I need to throw smarter. And maybe the B vitamins will help with that.

Here are your 2013 All-Stars:

P Ryan Larson from Allentown
P Weiss King from Allentown
P Oscar Cassas from Allentown
C Dominic Brooks from Allentown
1B Alex Buckley from Allentown
LF Kevin McNeal from Alllentown

Congratulations to all our boys and I look forward to watching them on TV.

What happens when the boys do score runs when I start a game? Judging by the last game, I cough up six in the first and make an early exit. The boys won that one, but I did lousy. Now this wasn’t helped by the fact that I was getting over a sinus infection. I didn’t think it was that bad. I thought I could pitch through it. The answer is, no, I could not. It was just enough of a distraction to throw me off. This is not an excuse, it’s a reason. There.s an important distinction here. I still take responsibility for every run that crossed the plate that inning but I understand why it happened and the likelihood of it happening again is reduced because of that.

We were in Toronto. And y’all know I’ve said great things about Dirtball in the past. Well, after that game he took me back to his place. In Montreal. On a jet. And he told me he knew what I needed. The first thing he did was drew me a bath. And while I was soaking, he made steaks and poutine. Now poutine is sorta the Montreal version of chili cheese fries, only instead of chili you have this gravy. And the cheese they use isn’t American cheese but these little cheese curd thingies. It was very good and we ate it on the roof so we had a wonderful view of Montreal. And I stayed over and we came back to Toronto for the next game, but Dirtball didn’t play.

We plan to watch the ASG together. Seeing as how neither of us will be there. Neal said it was too bad because we would’ve been on the same team this year. Well, this means I’m rooting for the team Neal is on. That’s new and different.

Annie said she told Ryan to move me down in the rotation. To change things up. We’ll see how that works. And the four-man rotation will start after the break as well. I think either of those would make a difference and both together should be a good combination. It’s easier to mix up the rotation at the break.

Halfway there. And I survived the first half. The second half will be better.

I lost to Hartford. 3-0. I lost to the Celtics 2-0. The thing that they have in common is the nothing. That’s the kind of support I got from my new boys here. Nothing.

So I looked it up. We are 8th in runs scored. Hartford is 1st. I never had to worry about run support before. I took it for granted. Well, I can’t anymore. And I don’t want to sound like I’m dissing the boys. I know and they know that they can’t all be Jesse Vargas or Michael LeClair. But somehow I was expecting something. And it wasn’t to be shut out in back to back quality starts.

Right about now there are a couple different things going on in my mind. The first one is that maybe I should’ve stayed put where I was instead of gone looking for greener pastures. Annie says there were things I was unhappy with in Hartford, but I’m forgetting them or glossing over them because I’m felling nostalgic. I haven’t talked to Ryan yet. Nolan says that some days you have to pitch a no-hitter and drive one out of the park during your AB if you want to get the win. Was it really like that before the DH? Anyway, his point is that if you can keep them off the board, the boys will have a better chance. My point is that it’s a team and we pick each other up. So if I let a couple guys cross the plate, then my teammates will step it up for me and score some runs.

The other thing is if I’d gone to some other team then this would be what I was expecting and it wouldn’t bother me so much.

Dirtball said to focus on me. If I keep pitching well, the wins will come. Dirtball is great. He’s the greatest catcher I’ve ever had. He helps keep my outlook positive.

Yeah, if I pitch great, I’ll get the wins. I gotta remember that it’s also about the other guy on the mound. I didn’t have this kinda fit when I lost to Alex Williams because everyone loses to Alex Williams. Well, people lose to Ryan Moore and Paul Endicott, too. It’s not like I lost to Homer Simpson.

So my season is not starting well. I was a big shot FA but I’m pitching like a rookie. I’ve had four starts and I’m 0-2. That projects out to a record of 0-15 over the course of the season. However, I know a little about statistics and I know that figures lie. I have an ERA of nearly 5. But that’s with only 27.1 innings of work. It looked worse last week but one bad outing early on will make your ERA grow real big real fast.

And I am getting better. The game I pitched against Bridgeport I only gave up 1 run. Actually, I put one runner on base and Jefferson let him come home. So it counts as mine, but I had help. Anyway, that was one run in 7.1 innings. That’s totally respectable and would be a win most of the time. So there’s some definite improvement.

The question everyone wants the answer to is why I started out so bad. And I’ve heard theories. I think the right theory is that I was trying too hard. New uni, new ballpark, new fans and I wanted to show everyone that Ryan and Annie had made the right decision in bringing me to Allentown.

What I showed everyone is that I can give up 5 runs in 5.2 innings. And then the next time it was 6 earnies in 6.1. Then we went on the road. And some of the pressure was off. These were road fans. Three runs in eight innings is respectable. It’s a quality start but the boys couldn’t knock in enough. And the last game was that 13-inning marathon. I gave up one run in 7.1 and it wasn’t until the 13th that the boys broke out the bats.

The point is that I’m learning to relax and I should have more starts like the last two than like the first ones. And Dirtball and I have discovered something. In one of those games he was out of things to say so he started cussing in French. That made me laugh. French is a nice smooth language, unlike Spanish, and so it’s funny to know those smooth words are really coarse language. Someday I’m going to have him teach me the words. When the time is right.

Hey, what can I say? My favorite color is purple. And they’re going to paint my car. That’s not why I signed though. I think I’ll make a difference on this staff. I liked Ryan’s idea that I’d be #1 but that it wasn’t guaranteed. That is so refreshing after the flattery I’ve gotten other places. I want to be #1, don’t get me wrong. But I want to be #1 because I’ve earned it, not because it’s written on a piece of paper.

And Dirtball is an Angel, too. Make no mistake, Dirtball is about one of the best game-callers out there. Duke was the most fun of any of my battery mates. But Dirtball is the best at knowing what I want and giving it to me. He understands that I’m not an idiot and if we have different ideas of what to throw, I only need to shake him off once. He calls for what I want to throw. it works. And I swear he can read my mind sometimes. I remember a situation in my game against Buffalo. I wanted to throw a pitch in a location I normally don’t. But for this particular hitter, I did. And I was sure I was gonna need to call him out to the mound. But nope. Down went those fingers and the mitt was set and I knew we were on the same wavelength.

But signing meant a physical. And because of Aunt Katy, they sent me out to a radiology place to get a mammogram. Now most of y’all are guys so I dunno if I can describe this adequately. What they do is take your tits and attempt to flatten them. They need them thin and flat to make better images. Now, mine are high and tight, so flattening them hurts. And they do it to both sides, from multiple angles. And, because the button that does the actual picture is in another room, you get to stand there with your tits deformed while the technician walks back and forth. There is good news though. They didn’t see anything bad in the pictures.

Jay and I are pulling out of Hartford. I’ll be looking for a place in Allentown and he’s getting settled in NY. I’m going to miss Coach’s and City Steam and Mill by the River, but I’m sure there will be places to go in Allentown. And I’m missing Duke all over again. I know about all those places because of him.

Next up–Spring Training. I can’t wait to meet the boys on my new team. And the girl. To my knowledge, the only other woman in the league is Dominicia Cao. And she’s a pitcher, too. She’s a knuckleballer who pitched in AAA last year for the Lancaster Liberty. Maybe someday we’ll be on the same staff.