Sometimes the truth is simple. It’s easy to look at my record and see that I’m around .500. Sometimes the truth is more subtle. I’ve given up 87 runs this season. Of those, 72 were earned runs. That means that roughly 20% of the runs I’ve given up have been unearned. I like my boys. I really do. But I can’t keep on taking sole responsibility for this situation. I don’t know what to do, though.

There are other truths that are hard to face. It’s been over a year since I’ve had a man in my life. That’s because I thought I knew who I wanted there. We had one night together and then … I messed it up. Sometimes the truth is ugly. I spent a night with someone else. That was a bad decision on my part and I regret it but I can’t undo it. And he doesn’t want a woman who sleeps around. So there it is. He’s someone I work with, so I had to re-examine some of my assumptions. But I think I could’ve made it work.

I had strung together some wins and I actually got back to .500. Then I ran into Derek Hollaar in Toronto. He only gave up one run. I gave up four. This time it was all my fault. But I kinda knew him off the field because I met him at Banana Joes when the Celtics were in Allentown. So after the game, I called him and we got together and had a few drinks at Fregata. He’s only 20. I sort of had the idea he was a couple of years older. He’s a competitor. I respect that. We can be friends and he still wants to beat me. That’s how it should be. I don’t like hearing that a guy will go easy on me. I wanna win, but I wanna win the old-fashioned way–I want to earn it.

And the next time I saw him, back in Harper field, I did beat him. 2-0. Shutouts are great, but shutting out your friends is even better. Did I mention he was young? I invited him back to my place to toss a few back. We played some NEBL Inside the Lines 2014. I beat him at that, too. Then we did Home Run Derby–using ourselves. And he won that. He carries a big bat for a pitcher. It was a great time. I’ll have to have him over again.

Last night, I had a dream about Derek. He and I were both pitching for my hometown Astros and we went to the World Series. And lost. To Hartford. We were the wild card team, like in 2005. It was a three-man rotation and since it was my dream, I started games one and four. Derek was #2 and Roy O. was #3. They say that dreams have meaning. If so, this one means that even if we had Derek and Roy, we’d've still lost to Hartford last year. Don’t look at me, though. I won one of my starts. Against Casey Lane. He beat me in game four though.

My waking dream is that we beat Hartford in the Patriot Cup. Or Halifax. Or whoever. The important part is the winning. We’ve got a good team so we can do it. One game at a time, though. First we win today’s game. We’ll worry about tomorrow’s game tomorrow.