Yeah, right they cursed me. That’s how I went to Hartford and outpitched their ace and team captain, Casey Lane. The thing is, after that game is when Doc had his press conference. So no one knew the details. Well, now we know more.

And I know more than that. Doc’s number is still in my phone. So I called him. I wanted to find out about it. And you know, he apologized to me. He didn’t mean for it to get as serious as it did, but he and the other guy were both being macho and neither wanted to be the one to back down. So they egged each other on into doing this.

He was genuinely sorry. So I made a date with him for dinner next time I’m in Hartford so we can really talk. That’ll be the end of the month.

And I know who the other guy is. None other than Hottie. I haven’t called him yet. Since he’s the one who stole my ball. From when i beat Alex Williams. I need to simmer down before I call him or I will call him names.

Now Doc said he kept my ball for me. That he liked me too much. That’s one of the things we’ll be doing in Hartford–he’ll give me my ball back. I dunno what ball they gave to the voodoo lady and If it’s not my AW ball or my first win ball, etc. then I’m okay. But it’s the idea that Hottie would do that — help me get stuff packed and then take something that means so much to me. I just …. grrr.

I don’t believe in voodoo. Oh, I believe in bad luck and in charms and stuff to break it, but I don’t think you can cause someone else to have bad luck. And the way to break their alleged curse …. I need to sleep with each of them … that wouldn’t be too bad, actually. They’re both hot and they’re both good guys (except for this curse nonsense). I can’t believe they thought the only way to get me would be to put a whammy on me. I guess some guys just don’t pay attention. A nice dinner, some dancing, a few margaritas ….

‘Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free,
‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

My mother has a saying. Tests are gifts. And great tests are great gifts. Well, if you believe that, then I’m gifted. Really gifted.

I honestly don’t know what’s wrong. Nolan Ryan may be the greatest living pitcher but I’m beyond his capacity to help as a coach. He’s running out of things to say to me. He tells me that I’m a good pitcher. Well, yeah. He tells me it’ll get better. And sometimes it seems like it does. Then it gets worse again. He tells me to pitch to the batter in the box, and not worry about who’s due up next. He tells me that I don’t need to strike out everyone. He tells me that even if I can’t see it, there’s an end to this. I guess time will tell. He tells me I need to simplify, that I’m making this harder than it should be. Either I’m not getting the hang of that or it’s not working, take your pick.

I got an interesting e-mail. Someone, who I won’t name, said that my problem is that I’m cursed. That a few of my teammates in Hartford got together and hired a voodoo lady to put the whammy on me. I know the boys didn’t want me to leave, but I have a hard time believing that they’d do something like that. Even if I believed in that sort of thing, which I don’t.

I’m going to do what I’ve been doing. I’m going to gut it out. My ERA is still under 4. I’m projected to strike out 236 hitters. When I come out on the other side, I will be a better person for having gone through this. And a better pitcher.

Hey, I need to tell myself something.

I’m not the best pitcher out there and I never will be. That would be my coach, Nolan Ryan. But I am also not the worst pitcher getting paid to toe the rubber (semi-pro ball anyone?). So I’m not giving up. I’m good enough. And I’ll get better. Even if I throw like a girl.

So I was in line for a win against Elmira but I didn’t get it. I did get the next one though. Against NY. 3 hits, 0 ER and 11 K. I’m coming back. And I owe it to Dirtball.

Have you ever seen the movie Bull Durham? One of the plot points is Annie giving Nuke a garter belt to wear while he’s pitching. Well, Dirtball’s seen this movie, too. And he had an idea.

Now let me talk about catchers for a minute. The pitcher’s job is to throw the ball so the hitter doesn’t hit it. And the catcher’s job is to help the pitcher. The pitcher has to be brains and memory and a little bluff to get those hitters out. The catcher needs to be brains and memory, too. The pitcher needs to be aware of and keep track of a lot of things. And it’s the catcher’s job to watch everything and make sure the pitcher is alerted to things he can’t observe directly and reminded of things he can. Like runners and what they’re doing. Like which way the flags are blowing in center field. So the catcher is also the eyes and ears of the pitcher.

And this time, Dirtball saw something I didn’t. He said I was thinking too much about my pitching and I needed to think less and pitch more. He talked about Annie and Nuke in the movie and how the garter belt was effective in helping Nuke pitch better (once he actually wore it). And he didn’t have a garter belt but he did have a jock strap I could wear under my uniform to help with that.

Now, coming from anyone else, I would laugh that away. But I could tell he’d really thought about it and believed in it. And he was right, I’d tried just about everything else. So twice now I’ve worn it on the mound. And twice now I’ve turned in good performances. The question is, how long do I need to wear it for the magic to be permanent? Because I feel a bit silly. But you can’t argue with the results

People say that numbers don’t lie. There’s a belief that if you quantify something it somehow has more importance than something that can’t be quantified. In actuality though, numbers can be deceiving, even when they are accurate depictions of what’s going on in the real world.

Take this for example. 3.1 innings with one walk and 7 strikeouts. Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it. Until you learn that that’s a starter, not a reliever.. Then you wonder about injury and the starter taken out. Add to this 6 hits. Still not too bad. That’s a couple per inning and with only one walk it’s not too bad. But if you add in the last part, it looks pretty bad. 5 runs, all earned. And the final numbers, the ones that count the most, L 7-9. Those are the worst numbers in the lot. So we progress from looking respectable to a team loss. Not very encouraging.

Dirtball and I watched the All-Star game at my house. I made enchiladas. What my mama calls “dirt stupid” enchiladas. And it was kinda fun except the wrong team won. The AC team does pretty well if I don’t start for them.

Nolan had a good idea. He said that I’m not acting like I’m mentally sharp. He suggested I talk to Doc Wiggen about vitamin B. So now I’ll be taking a prescription supplement. Among other things, it’s high in folic acid, which is good for women. He offers no guarantees, though. Someone suggested I juice but I’m not going to. Steroids don’t help your control or give you better stuff. They may make you throw harder but I need to throw smarter. And maybe the B vitamins will help with that.

Here are your 2013 All-Stars:

P Ryan Larson from Allentown
P Weiss King from Allentown
P Oscar Cassas from Allentown
C Dominic Brooks from Allentown
1B Alex Buckley from Allentown
LF Kevin McNeal from Alllentown

Congratulations to all our boys and I look forward to watching them on TV.

What happens when the boys do score runs when I start a game? Judging by the last game, I cough up six in the first and make an early exit. The boys won that one, but I did lousy. Now this wasn’t helped by the fact that I was getting over a sinus infection. I didn’t think it was that bad. I thought I could pitch through it. The answer is, no, I could not. It was just enough of a distraction to throw me off. This is not an excuse, it’s a reason. There.s an important distinction here. I still take responsibility for every run that crossed the plate that inning but I understand why it happened and the likelihood of it happening again is reduced because of that.

We were in Toronto. And y’all know I’ve said great things about Dirtball in the past. Well, after that game he took me back to his place. In Montreal. On a jet. And he told me he knew what I needed. The first thing he did was drew me a bath. And while I was soaking, he made steaks and poutine. Now poutine is sorta the Montreal version of chili cheese fries, only instead of chili you have this gravy. And the cheese they use isn’t American cheese but these little cheese curd thingies. It was very good and we ate it on the roof so we had a wonderful view of Montreal. And I stayed over and we came back to Toronto for the next game, but Dirtball didn’t play.

We plan to watch the ASG together. Seeing as how neither of us will be there. Neal said it was too bad because we would’ve been on the same team this year. Well, this means I’m rooting for the team Neal is on. That’s new and different.

Annie said she told Ryan to move me down in the rotation. To change things up. We’ll see how that works. And the four-man rotation will start after the break as well. I think either of those would make a difference and both together should be a good combination. It’s easier to mix up the rotation at the break.

Halfway there. And I survived the first half. The second half will be better.

I got my run. Two of them actually. The winners of steak dinners are Mac and Big Jimmy Harring. Mac walked and then scored on Big Jimmy’s double. I said last time there’d be a reward for scoring a run and pushing it across. I’m happy they got it done in the first inning. In the second inning, Alex Buckley led off with a solo shot. That’s two runs they’ve scored for me. Yay!

I’m not happy we lost. I pitched nine innings but it went 10. I was doing a good job of keeping the ball down and so most of my outs were on the ground. I struck out 11 and only walked one and I just gave up two runs. But that set the stage for them scoring a third run in the tenth. The bright spot is that someone scored runs for me. But we lost the game so in the scheme of things it wasn’t very good.

And then I matched up against Alex Williams. Of course our boys couldn’t score off him and I ended up losing that one. It wasn’t my best pitching effort, but it wasn’t bad. My ERA is down to 3.17, which is about where it was for my sophomore season. Considering that it was as high as 8.25 this year I can’t complain. ERA is like weight. It’s always harder to shave off the last bit than the first bit. If you remove my first two games, my ERA would be 2.43. So now it’s just a matter of pushing it down that last little bit.

Ryan said we’re going to a 4-man rotation. Aaron Jackson is the odd man out. His ERA is over 5 and Ryan thinks it might be better for him to remove the pressure of being a major league starter. I like the idea of a four-man rotation. More work for me and I had my best year as part of a four-man in Hartford. I don’t mean the counting stats, either. I mean my ERA and WHIP and K/9 and stuff.

While I’m here… Not too long ago, Michael LeClair posted an update to his blog where he talked about me. Opinions are like noses–everyone has one. But I gotta say that if he doesn’t like reading about what goes on in my life off the field then he needs to read the newspaper. This is a blog, not a box score. And it’s funny how he went on at length in his blog about his domestic life right after complaining about me. I guess all that off-field talk snuck in there while he wasn’t looking.

I am now officially looking for a good luck charm. I have come to the conclusion that my problem isn’t a lack of skill, but a lack of luck. So I talked to Neal about it. Why Neal? Well, we were already talking because I called to congratulate him for beating Alex Williams. Anyway, he mentioned the traditional things–rabbits feet, four-leaf clovers, horseshoes. My brother Alex said to wear something magnetic to attract luck. And that might work if luck is made of iron or steel.

My dad said that magic squares are lucky. So I got one and put it up in my locker. It looks like this.

I’m wearing my socks inside out for my next start and I’m going to use a new glove that Pierre gave me. This one will be black with purple trim. It says on it, “Ace” in honor of my nickname and in the hope that I’ll pitch like one while I’m wearing it. Maybe the newness will make a difference.

I’m also secretly replacing the bats with Folger’s crystals. Or maybe not.

Pierre has been great for me. Always there. And I mean always. It’s been rough for me. I even had a meltdown in front of him. I was throwing things and then I just bawled. Like a 6-year old tee-ball player. I don’t know what happened. I apologized. I mean, there’s no crying in baseball. But it still happened.

Hopefully I got it out of my system. It’s embarrassing to lose it like that. I’m thinking of offering two rewards. One for whoever drives in the next run while I’m pitcher of record. And one for the guy who crosses the plate. This isn’t about if we win or lose but about someone, somewhere, pushing a run across for me.

I lost to Hartford. 3-0. I lost to the Celtics 2-0. The thing that they have in common is the nothing. That’s the kind of support I got from my new boys here. Nothing.

So I looked it up. We are 8th in runs scored. Hartford is 1st. I never had to worry about run support before. I took it for granted. Well, I can’t anymore. And I don’t want to sound like I’m dissing the boys. I know and they know that they can’t all be Jesse Vargas or Michael LeClair. But somehow I was expecting something. And it wasn’t to be shut out in back to back quality starts.

Right about now there are a couple different things going on in my mind. The first one is that maybe I should’ve stayed put where I was instead of gone looking for greener pastures. Annie says there were things I was unhappy with in Hartford, but I’m forgetting them or glossing over them because I’m felling nostalgic. I haven’t talked to Ryan yet. Nolan says that some days you have to pitch a no-hitter and drive one out of the park during your AB if you want to get the win. Was it really like that before the DH? Anyway, his point is that if you can keep them off the board, the boys will have a better chance. My point is that it’s a team and we pick each other up. So if I let a couple guys cross the plate, then my teammates will step it up for me and score some runs.

The other thing is if I’d gone to some other team then this would be what I was expecting and it wouldn’t bother me so much.

Dirtball said to focus on me. If I keep pitching well, the wins will come. Dirtball is great. He’s the greatest catcher I’ve ever had. He helps keep my outlook positive.

Yeah, if I pitch great, I’ll get the wins. I gotta remember that it’s also about the other guy on the mound. I didn’t have this kinda fit when I lost to Alex Williams because everyone loses to Alex Williams. Well, people lose to Ryan Moore and Paul Endicott, too. It’s not like I lost to Homer Simpson.

I have a nickname. I didn’t think it would stick or I’d've mentioned it sooner. It started in the first game on Opening Day. I had a 2-2 count on a guy and Dirtball gives me the sign and I don’t like it. So he gives me the same sign again. And I still don’t like it. So he comes out to the mound and says to me, “Look, Ace if you wanna get this guy, you have to throw” a particular pitch. Okay, we worked out what I was gonna throw and I didn’t think anything of it.

After the game, he called me “Ace” in front of some of the other guys and they laughed. But then King started using it. And pretty soon everyone was calling me “Ace”. Even Nolan and the boss. So I guess I have a nickname.

It’s renewed my resolve to pitch better. I want people to call me “Ace” because I pitch like one. I don’t want it to be a mocking name. And so who do I come up against? My old nemesis, Alex Williams. So I pitch a quality start and an extra couple innings. But a three-run deficit against him is like a nine-run deficit other places. And the boys couldn’t climb out of that hole. I think the next time time we have a meeting before we play him and I talk about how me and the old boys beat AW in the playoffs. And my new boys are just as good. So maybe they hadn’t seen it from that angle before.

And then, I got a win. Against Providence, but they all count the same. Dirtball said, “Ace, you’re on a one-game winning streak!” I hit him with a towel. But that is a good way to look at it. It’s a streak. And I can add to the streak next start. We’re going to Toronto next. I’m not sure what a Celtic is but they don’t scare me.

Ace. Well I’ve never had a nickname before. There are worse ones out there.

So my season is not starting well. I was a big shot FA but I’m pitching like a rookie. I’ve had four starts and I’m 0-2. That projects out to a record of 0-15 over the course of the season. However, I know a little about statistics and I know that figures lie. I have an ERA of nearly 5. But that’s with only 27.1 innings of work. It looked worse last week but one bad outing early on will make your ERA grow real big real fast.

And I am getting better. The game I pitched against Bridgeport I only gave up 1 run. Actually, I put one runner on base and Jefferson let him come home. So it counts as mine, but I had help. Anyway, that was one run in 7.1 innings. That’s totally respectable and would be a win most of the time. So there’s some definite improvement.

The question everyone wants the answer to is why I started out so bad. And I’ve heard theories. I think the right theory is that I was trying too hard. New uni, new ballpark, new fans and I wanted to show everyone that Ryan and Annie had made the right decision in bringing me to Allentown.

What I showed everyone is that I can give up 5 runs in 5.2 innings. And then the next time it was 6 earnies in 6.1. Then we went on the road. And some of the pressure was off. These were road fans. Three runs in eight innings is respectable. It’s a quality start but the boys couldn’t knock in enough. And the last game was that 13-inning marathon. I gave up one run in 7.1 and it wasn’t until the 13th that the boys broke out the bats.

The point is that I’m learning to relax and I should have more starts like the last two than like the first ones. And Dirtball and I have discovered something. In one of those games he was out of things to say so he started cussing in French. That made me laugh. French is a nice smooth language, unlike Spanish, and so it’s funny to know those smooth words are really coarse language. Someday I’m going to have him teach me the words. When the time is right.