I met Nolan Ryan last month when I first talked to Ryan and Annie about coming to Allentown. I knew he was a great pitcher and that he’s in the Hall of Fame. And after talking to him a little bit, I knew that I’d like working with him. But I wanted to know more about him. So Jay and I went to the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown.

It turns out there’s a lot to know about The Express. I think he may be the greatest living pitcher. Sorry Alex.

There’s a room where they have baseball cards. They have cards of people you’ve heard of and of people you haven’t. They have Nolan Ryan cards. And one of the cards shows Nolan Ryan with a bloody lip. He was hit by a ball and it busted his lip. and he just kept on pitching with the blood coming out. That’s tough.

And there’s also the story about him pitching a guy named Robin Ventura inside and hitting him. And Ventura rushes the mound. Nolan got him in a headlock and punched him five times. That’s the only time anyone’s gotten five hits off Nolan in a single game.

While I was at the Hall, I ran into Providence’s Paul Pepper. I thought he looked familiar and I asked him if I’d met him at a party. Jay recognized him, though. He lives in the area and says he often spends time there. He knows a lot about Nolan Ryan. Nolan’s 100th win was also his 4th no-no. That’s pretty cool.

That weekend in Cooperstown was the last time Jay and I spent together. I hate saying goodbye but Jay says you have to say goodbye so you can say hello again.

I’d never been to the Angels’ complex in Coconut Creek, but it’s an amazing place. I think part of it is that it’s newer than the ‘Hawks’ facility. But it’s not just the buildings. The grounds themselves seem greener. Nolan says that it’s just coming back to spring training. That if I’d asked myself last year what I thought, I’d've said the same things. Maybe he’s right.

Spring Training is a time of promise. No one’s lost any games or made any errors or given up any home rums yet. And with the smell of the grass on the warm spring air, it seems that maybe no one will.

But if we do, it’ll be okay. Nolan is amazing. One of the first things he told us was that we shouldn’t be afraid to pitch guys inside. He said, “I don’t want y’all to be afraid to pitch a guy inside. If a guy takes exception to your pitching and tries to rush you … I guaranTEE we won’t fine you for beating the [crap] out of him.”

Gotta love that. Here’s an invitation for all you hitters. If you don’t like a pitch, come visit me in my office. I’ll be happy to discuss it with you.

Hey, what can I say? My favorite color is purple. And they’re going to paint my car. That’s not why I signed though. I think I’ll make a difference on this staff. I liked Ryan’s idea that I’d be #1 but that it wasn’t guaranteed. That is so refreshing after the flattery I’ve gotten other places. I want to be #1, don’t get me wrong. But I want to be #1 because I’ve earned it, not because it’s written on a piece of paper.

And Dirtball is an Angel, too. Make no mistake, Dirtball is about one of the best game-callers out there. Duke was the most fun of any of my battery mates. But Dirtball is the best at knowing what I want and giving it to me. He understands that I’m not an idiot and if we have different ideas of what to throw, I only need to shake him off once. He calls for what I want to throw. it works. And I swear he can read my mind sometimes. I remember a situation in my game against Buffalo. I wanted to throw a pitch in a location I normally don’t. But for this particular hitter, I did. And I was sure I was gonna need to call him out to the mound. But nope. Down went those fingers and the mitt was set and I knew we were on the same wavelength.

But signing meant a physical. And because of Aunt Katy, they sent me out to a radiology place to get a mammogram. Now most of y’all are guys so I dunno if I can describe this adequately. What they do is take your tits and attempt to flatten them. They need them thin and flat to make better images. Now, mine are high and tight, so flattening them hurts. And they do it to both sides, from multiple angles. And, because the button that does the actual picture is in another room, you get to stand there with your tits deformed while the technician walks back and forth. There is good news though. They didn’t see anything bad in the pictures.

Jay and I are pulling out of Hartford. I’ll be looking for a place in Allentown and he’s getting settled in NY. I’m going to miss Coach’s and City Steam and Mill by the River, but I’m sure there will be places to go in Allentown. And I’m missing Duke all over again. I know about all those places because of him.

Next up–Spring Training. I can’t wait to meet the boys on my new team. And the girl. To my knowledge, the only other woman in the league is Dominicia Cao. And she’s a pitcher, too. She’s a knuckleballer who pitched in AAA last year for the Lancaster Liberty. Maybe someday we’ll be on the same staff.

I’ve got all the offers I’m going to get, including three I did not expect. So now it’s time to look them over and pick one. This is harder than I thought it would be. When I started out, I had a couple places in mind and I was just gonna wait to see whose offer I liked better. Well, it didn’t work out that way. I got an offer that was just awesome from someone I didn’t expect. And I even talked to Halifax. That astounds me. Ben Thompson went so far as to issue a public apology to me but I didn’t expect to hear from them.

I’ve been offered anywhere from $2M to $12M as my base salary. But when it comes down to it, it’s not about the money so much. There’s only so much you can spend. Last year I was all over Easy Pickens for being greedy. I certainly don’t want to be like that. Oh, I like money and I’m not going to go somewhere where they pay me in peanuts and Cracker Jack, but anything above the $8M I walked away from would be fine.

As for incentives. If you figure them based on how I pitched last year, I was offered anywhere from $1M to $20M. I don’t care about the amounts so much, though, as what I’d get paid for. I like the idea of getting a bonus for beating Alex Williams. I want to beat him anyway, but I can use the money to throw a party for the boys who scored runs off him. I don’t want a bonus for beating Hartford. I don’t like the idea that they’re somehow a worse enemy than other teams.

So it comes down to the intangibles. Parades if I pitch a perfect game. Donations to breast cancer research. Threats … er … promises to retire my number if I perform Great Feats. Painting my car. Stuff like that. And that other intangible. Alex Williams. Some say I would come into my own if I left the conference and Williams behind me. Some say that being the best in a conference without Williams is meaningless. I say I’m not afraid of Alex Williams but that doesn’t mean I want to be in the same conference he’s in.

I’ve talked to managers and pitching coaches. And the pitching coach is an important factor. I’ll be spending time with the pitching coach. Shaner is a great pitching coach. But there are other good coaches out there too and I got to meet some of them.

So where am I going? I have some people I need to tell privately before I say anything here.

I’m being courted. By a number of teams. I’ve gotten offers and I know I’ll get a few more. I’ve heard some interesting reasons why I should join this team or that team. Some of them have to do with Alex Williams. One team suggested that it wouldn’t mean as much to win an award if I didn’t beat AW to do it. I hadn’t thought of it that way. But it’s not just about awards.

Dirtball is also a FA and he made a comment about that. Well not exactly. But he said that it wasn’t about awards–he wants to be on a winning team. Now that rules out the HC. Seriously, the idea is that hopefully I would help a team to be a winning team. That my presence would make an impact. There were three HC teams hovering around .500 at the end of the season. Any one of which I could’ve helped over the hump.

And I think that no one can touch Alex Williams. When he was born, the gods smiled on him and anointed him the best. And, yes, I beat him. But it was only one game. And second best is first loser. And I don’t want that.

I think I know where I want to go. But they haven’t made me an offer yet, so I’m not sure. There’s still plenty of time. I might sound like I’m in a hurry but this is a life choice I’ll be making. I’ll be committing years of my life and work to an organization. So I don’t want to be too quick.

It’s over.

The Patriot Cup is over and we won. At home. And I’m sure there are still some people celebrating. They’re going to have a parade for us. Through downtown Hartford Tomorrow. And the mayor will be there. It’s wonderful being a champion.

It’s also a bit sad. I went in to clean out my locker today. And I thought how it was different this time. Not because we’re champions. But because I may not be back. I looked around the ‘Hawks clubhouse and thought about how it may be the last time I see it. That next time I play at Rolex Field I might be wearing road grays instead of home whites.

But the season is over and it’s time to look at my goals and see how I’ve done. Goal #1 was to win seventeen games. I won twelve more than that. Goal #2 was to have my ERA be below three. It’s 2.13. So I got that, too. And my last goal was kinda vague. It was to have more strikeouts than last year. 309 is definitely more than 234. So I achieved that, too.

2012 was a good year for me. And for the ‘Hawks. I honestly didn’t expect to pitch as well as I did. Every pitcher has good games sometimes. Games where everything just clicks. Well, I just had a yearful of good games. I’d like to believe that next year will be the same. But I’m not slacking off. I’ll work out over the winter and throw some and keep myself in shape for next year. I wanna be the best I can be.

Wherever I pitch.

And one day I was staring God in the face. And he blinked.

It was Game 4 of the Adams Conference playoffs. A win for Hartford would mean advancing to the Patriot Cup finals. And it was me against Alex Williams. He beat me bad in Game 1. I gave up seven earnies to his two. And he’d only lost two games all year. His ERA for the year was smaller than my WHIP.

I got ready to do the only thing I could do and hope to secure a win for our team. Hang in there tooth and nail and keep them off the board till we got to his bullpen. In Game 1 they slapped me around. I didn’t want that happening again.

So I go out there on the mound and we had two scoreless innings. Then from the dugout I see it. An RBI double and a 2-run triple. So I start the third with a three run lead. And I ended the third with a three run lead. In the fifth, the boys put up another run. And it was like that. The 7th, nothing. The eighth, we get two more runs. And then the ninth, nothing. So that’s your final, 6-0 ‘Hawks all the way.

I didn’t think it was possible. Or rather I thought I was attempting something that I couldn’t succeed at. But Skip had called me “The Williams Slayer” in the pitchers and catchers meeting. And we talked about his weaknesses and how he did lose twice this year so we knew he could be beaten. And if one of our pitchers were going to beat him, it would have to be me with my low ERA, low WHIP and high K ratio. I was the best option.

w00t! And I came through. No runs on six hits and 12 strikeouts. So when we had our champagne to celebrate winning the conference title, I got some extra attention from the boys. I gotta love the Doctor though. He sprayed my whole front and said “Wet T-Shirt Contest!’ Then the guys voted on my body parts, which was the best. My arm won. Aw, I love these guys. I loved Hottie especially “With the arm, she’s not just a woman, but a dominating pitcher. You can find beautiful women everywhere but not beatuiful women who pitch.”

I heard whisperings that the guys are going to do something special for me but no one will tell me what it is.

And I’ve already gotten contacted by someone who wants the jersey I wore.

You’ve all heard the second-hand news. How I’m leaving Hartford to pursue my dreams. now you’re hearing it first-hand. I have a player option and I’m declining it. It’s not that I’m never going back again. I won’t rule out a return to the ‘Hawks. But I can’t pitch like this forever and I have to keep going in the direction that is best for me. Don’t do the easy thing. Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow. Don’t just pick up my option automatically. Do look at what’s out there. Do explore my options. Do think about my future.

I talked to Skip about it. He told me he was disappointed but that he understood. “I know you have to go your own way,” he said, but I know he hopes my own way leads me back to the ‘Hawks next year. And who knows but it might. I talked to Shaner, too. But’s he’s all “I don’t want to hear about why you’re leaving.” He said my reasons aren’t important to him unless they mean he’s not doing his job. And he reminded me that he’d been a player once. He said it’s better to leave when you’re ahead than to wait for the organization to kick you out.

Where will I go? Hi Jay! I’m not coming to Allentown. I love you and you make loving fun, but I’m not going to play on a team with with you. I’m not going to explain it to the lunatic–a simple “no” should be all he needs. And you already know why.

However, the cruise showed me that I can get along with Neal. And he’s a great pitcher, too. And Elmira is in the other conference. I don’t like being in the same conference as Alex Williams. That poll was like a songbird awakening me to the fact that I could easily win the CM if Alex Williams were still with Elmira. Though going there would be like following in his shadow and I don’t think I like it.

And like I said, I’m not ruling out a return to Hartford. Skip has that personal touch that I don’t think a lot of GMs have. Though I know the expansion guys both seem like personable fellows. And that reminds me, I expect Halifax will make an offer but, unless it involves muzzling Ben Thompson, I’m not going to listen very hard to what Micheal Thompson has to say.

OTOH, the flip side of following Alex Williams around is to just go to where he is. And learn from him. He can strike guys out on two pitches. It’s like there’s a little invisible chain between Alex Williams and I. He seems to figure prominently in every scenario. And maybe the chain will bring me to Halifax. I dunno if I want to get closer to him or further away.

It’s not just about the money though. I’m not some gold dust woman. I’m not the feminine version of Easy Pickens. Sure, I’m looking out for my future but I know how a big contract can cripple a team. And who wants to pitch for a crippled team. Hell, Ike got hurt and the team couldn’t pay to heal him up. That’s not right.

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do. I called home and talked to my dad. “Oh Daddy, listen to me and give me some advice.” He told me what he always tells me. Keep my head down and work hard. And he said that I could spend the winter in Texas where I could throw off my mound regularly. “No snow in Houston,” he said. And that way, come spring, I’d be in the best shape I could be.

I don’t know what to say. When I’m losing, I can always find something to write about–something I’m doing wrong or that I could be doing better. But now it’s hard to write much of anything except “wheeeeeeee!” I love winning. And I love how it all seems to be going right for me right now.

One of the things that’s going right is a poll on NEBL.com. The question is: Who will win the AC CM? There are four choices–Alex Williams, me, Casey Lane and Sauli Vanhanen. And I voted for Alex Williams. Who wouldn’t?

A lot of people wouldn’t. Right now, I’m leading with 60% of the vote. Now, Williams has more Ks and a lower ERA–that’s why I voted for him. But I’m projected to win 9 more games than he is (actually, I’ve already won more games than he’s projected to win). I’m tied with him for shutouts. And I’ve got more innings and complete games. Also, I’m second everywhere else but K/9. And the ‘Hawks will win the conference. So a case could be made for me. I’m probably not going to win, but it’s great to know the fans support me. Even when I didn’t vote for myself.

And to all of y’all who haven’t voted–vote now! Click up there where I link to the poll. I’ve also got everyone’s name linked up there so you can look at our stats. The Adams Conference leaderboards can give you the rest of the story. I’m not going to tell you who to vote for.

There’s not much else to say, but wheeeeeeee! this is fun! I’ll do my best to keep doing my best. Skip always tells me I’m “awesome” and I want to be as good as he says I am. And I always tell him I’ll do my best. And right now, my best is pretty damned good.